Conquering Loneliness as a Police Couple with guest Rebecca Lynn, Proud Police Wife

Rebecca Lynn, Proud Police Wife, and I talk about loneliness and share part of our content from our most highly attended webinars.

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During this season, it is one step harder as a spouse. There are holiday parties, get-togethers, and a lot of events where the opportunity to attend with your spouse presents itself. In this lifestyle, we know that every once in a while we may have to attend events alone, but during this time of year, it is almost as if it is shoved in your face. It is also difficult for officers who are watching others celebrate and longing for family time and festivities as well.

Alone is a fact. We have someone with us or we do not.  Lonely is a feeling and about your body’s need for connection.  We have all experienced time when we have been in a crowded room and felt lonely.

Here are some ways to help you navigate through feelings of lonely, especially this time of the year.

Mindset

When it comes to the lonely feeling, mindset is important. Shifting the perspective and thoughts of the situation can improve your mindset and thus your mood and feelings.  Rebecca talks changing her mindset to,  “it’s not when we get to be with our significant other, but how we take advantage of the time when we are together”. A mindset shift can also involve how you can utilize the time alone.  Do things that maybe your spouse wouldn’t be into doing together such as a movie or show they would not watch, your favorite food they don’t care for, or getting together with friends for connection.  Looking at things from a different perspective and taking the time you do have and making it worth it.

Quality time

Maximize your time together.  As couples, we have bites of time that can be maximized instead of wasted.  Look at the time time that you have together and determine ways that you can engage with each other or the family in a meaningful way.  Rituals are also another way to connect during the time together.  It is important to create memories and engagement during the time to have to combat loneliness.

Boundaries around time

One of the things Rebecca recommends is sitting down with your spouse and going over your schedules together. Intentionally block off some time that will be just for you and your family. This helps to change your mindset to be more positive about the time you will have together. Setting aside time just for you and your spouse and you and your family locks that time in. Those boundaries protect your time with each other.

Calendar Events

In addition to creating some boundaries around your time, it is important plan events on the calendar.  Sit down as a couple to think about activities, events, or vacations that you would like to do together and then put them on the calendar.  This does several things including creating positive anticipation around an event, giving you something to look forward too! It can also provide comfort to get through the lonely times knowing that there is a finish line to the disconnection that you may feel individually or as a couple.

Regular intentional communication

Send flirty texts or Marco Polos to let them know you are thinking about them. Keeping the communication open helps the loneliness in the moment. Marco Polo is an app that allows people to send asynchronous video communications to each other, meaning you record a video message and the receiver watches it when they are available.

Marco Polo works for the children too as you can replay old messages or create new ones. Rebecca and her husband create have used to have her officer husband record him reading a book and then play it back later for the kids.  She record sporting events for her husband to watch and feel like he doesn’t miss those important moments. It helps to include everyone in the family and cope with loneliness as a family unit.

Balancing independent vs. left out

Another thing that works for Rebecca is that she still lives her life. She still takes her kids to see family or go to certain events. She has recognized through the years that it is important to find the balance between learning to be independent versus her officer husband feeling left out or not considered.  I also learned over the years that even though my officer husband is at work, knowing that I am there instead of out of town for a holiday, makes it easier for him to move through his own feelings of lonely.  Communicate with your spouse before to see if events that you are attending are ones that they want to be a part of, so they don’t feel not included.

The reality of being a police spouse is that you are alone sometimes. It brings on feelings of loneliness so learning how to be with yourself can be hard and difficult at times. The nighttime hours are usually the hardest when everything is quiet and calm. We need to fill that time with new hobbies and activities, so they serve as a distraction. Being still with yourself is really important.

Connect with another spouse

To know that someone else is going through what you are going through can be a lot of help. You may not be close with the spouses in your husband’s or wife’s department but reaching out and starting the conversation can provide hope and a common understanding that we are all going through these feelings together. Finding one person who can relate, can make the world of difference. In times of loneliness, send a quick text or polo to vent. It’s nice to be heard and have the other person understand.

Using time for reflect or inspiration

Rebecca has written two books to help police wives take time to reflect.  Her first book is The Peacemakers Wife: A Journal for Reflection and Encouragement for your Life as a Police Spouse.  It is  perfect if you are not a faith-based and want to reflect on this lifestyle and need encouragement.  She has recently released Proud Police Wife: 90 Devotions for Women behind the badge.  Rebecca started to use her alone time as me time and she started journaling her feelings. As a way to focus on her faith, she used her me time to read devotionals and then eventually wrote her own book. It shares aspects of this lifestyle and relates it to scripture. Her goal is that this gives you hope and helps you realize that not everything is doom and gloom. The stories that Rebecca shares are about not being alone. When you are lonely, you want to find that hope and find that place where you can be ok with you where you are while still being connected. Rebecca’s book provides guidance and a spiritual foundation on how to navigate that hope.

Rebecca has a five-day challenge during the holiday season. Five emails are sent to you to help you navigate the holiday as a law enforcement family. One of the first things she talks about in this challenge is sitting down with your spouse before the holidays and talking about each of your priorities. It is important to talk about what is important to both people during the holidays. Finding that balance of hearing each other and what each other wants for the holiday season is incredibly important. This goes for any milestone or tradition your family may have

All of these ideas help you cope with the loneliness as a couple. They help frame your mindset when you know you are going to experience loneliness.

Looking for virtual or in person workshops or presentations? Cyndi and Rebecca have a catalog of presentations ready and available to present together.

Links:

Email challenge link

Proud Police Wife for more free downloads and future information about the virtual conference.

Proud Police Wife: 90 Devotions for Women behind the badge.

Available on Christian book.com and on or around December 17th Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target Walmart

The Peacemaker’s Wife Journal

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Conquering Loneliness as a Police Couple with guest Rebecca Lynn, Proud Police Wife

Rebecca Lynn, Proud Police Wife, and I talk about loneliness and share part of our content from our most highly attended webinars.

Share:

Share:

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