Couples
Being Married in Law Enforcement can be Tough
Cyndi provides culturally competent knowledge and services for law enforcement wives and couples that can’t be beat. I whole-heartedly trust her and her expertise with the law enforcement community. Cyndi is the BEST!”
-Rebecca Lynn, ‘Proud Police Wife Blog’
Being married in law enforcement can be tough. You knew the shift work and lack of sleep would make a relationship tough. You knew there would be missed events and holidays. You didn’t know the impact of missing out on daily life and how that impacts the connection you have as a couple and family. You knew everyone didn’t like cops but the lack of support and negativity in your community and neighbors takes a toll. Defunding and recruitment issues have caused departments to have to do more with less. That means less officer to cover shifts, getting called out when you are on call, and OT is impacting your downtime and stress.
As an officer, you find yourself distracted by work even when you are not there. You hear your spouse complaining more and more about not having time with you and that you just “aren’t there”. You think they, “just don’t get it”. If they only knew what you held back from them, protect them from. You want to show up for your spouse and family but it is getting harder and harder to do.
As a spouse, you sacrifice because you have their six, but it is also exhausting. You feel burned out at times having to take care of things at home and serving as both parents to the kids. You are tired of explaining to people why you are showing up alone, why plans had to change, or why you are not showing up at all to events. It feels like the department or agency is always coming first. The text or call comes through and they are gone. You just want to be a team with your officer but that doesn’t seem to happen.
You just want the other person to understand how difficult it is to be in this lifestyle.
You are both feeling similar feelings: loneliness, disconnection, irritation, powerlessness, and hopelessness, but you probably haven’t talked about it. You just want the other person to understand how difficult it is to be in this lifestyle.
The truth is that it IS hard for BOTH of you.
The 75% divorce rate that you have heard is a MYTH. You CAN have a successful and connected relationship as a law enforcement couple!
Five Essential Elements of a Code4 Marriage
Cultural Competence
Understand the biological and psychological conditioning and impact on the officer and HOW it spills into the relationship, impacting communication and connection.
Connection
Communication is essential. Maximizing the limited time you have between shifts and sleeping to feel connected to each other is essential.
Compassion
As a couple, we both sacrifice as part of being in law enforcement. When we fail to recognize each other’s commitment and sacrifice, it leads to conflict and disconnection.
Courage
It takes incredible mental and emotional strength to be a family in law enforcement. We must remember to take off our emotional armor with each other and trust.
Countering the Impact
The impact of shifts, sleep, cynicism, and hypervigilance can lead our relationships and families off-course. We must stay focused on having the relationships and families that we desire.
Couples Training
How it Works
By using her therapeutic experience in mental health, trauma, and relationships, specialized training from the Gottman Institute, along with certifications with Brene Brown as a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, Cyndi hosts classes and workshops online or in person utilizing research-based information and personal experience to help you understand and improve your law enforcement relationship.
Understand, Connect & Thrive Together
What to Expect
You can expect to learn new ways to have a stronger relationship with your spouse. The tools and various resources that you can start utilizing will make an impact instantly. By having a stable and understanding personal relationship, it creates a positive domino affect throughout the community; having safer and better connected communities and a healthy marriage is a win-win.
My gift to you is the free workbook ($27 value)
70 pages of tools for you to use that includes:
- Reference Guides
- Relationship SWOT Analysis
- Relationship Compass Activity
- Assessment & Discussion Activities
- Action Plans
Podcast Episodes that Might Interest You
Indirect Trauma in Law Enforcement Relationships
In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person’s view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it’s not always
Trauma in Law Enforcement Families
As a couple, we are aware that officers and their families can be impacted by the job. Sometimes, the impact is trauma. Trauma can be direct or indirect. Secondary traumatic stress can impact officers, spouses, children, or even extended family and friends. We need to be aware of the signs
Thriving In and Out of the Career
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law
