How Indirect Trauma Effects Law Enforcement Relationships

In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person’s view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it’s not always true. Every person’s reaction to a singular incident is different, and sometimes it can be difficult to remember it. Lisa and James Robinson are a dual first responder couple that have and continue to work through traumas both individually and shared. They share how they stumble through and what they have learned to help and support themselves and each other.

(02:32): Lisa and James share their individual experiences with vicarious trauma as first responders.

(04:43): Vicarious trauma and first person trauma can blend and coexist across various first responder careers.

(06:58): Dispatchers are trained to take information that they receive and paint a picture for first responders so that they have an idea of what they’re going to. This can lead to a tremendous amount of trauma when dispatchers are always trying to guess at what they are hearing on the other end.

(07:25): “Sometimes that picture is much worse than what it actually is on scene, but very rarely do we get any form of what it actually looked like or this isn’t what it looked like. So there’s nothing to confirm or deny whatever we came up with in our heads. “ Lisa Robsinson

(09:32): Lisa and James discuss experiencing vicarious trauma, together, early into their careers.

(12:33): Vicarious trauma doesn’t happen immediately after an incident. It can take days, weeks, etc. and when unaddressed, can impact couples and families.

(15:24): As first responders, it can be hard to “turn off” the career to allow yourself to have difficult conversations with your spouse.

(17:20): “You hide it, you don’t want people to know. I said, “listen, I need you to turn the cop off. I need my husband. I don’t need an EOD evaluation.”

(19:26): Recognizing and communicating to your spouse that they may need help after a critical incident, doesn’t make you a terrible person. Give each other permission to call

(20:23): Give each other permission to be direct with one another after recognizing signs and symptoms of trauma.

(21:17): Find a culturally competent therapist to help you move through situation.

(22:07): Agencies need to focus on the being proactive with having counselors, foundations and resources lined up in the event of critical incidents and the aftermath that follows.

(23:02): Lisa and James supported each other through their trauma by spending as much time communicating as possible. Even if it meant writing notes to each other in a notebook.

(24:37): One of the ways to work through either direct or vicarious or secondary trauma  as a couple, is to keep the lines of communication open and knowing that you need to do that in order to prep for the future.

(25:14): “Another thing that we’ve really had to remember is first responders are fixers. Make sure you stay in your lane as a spouse and listen and don’t think that you have to fix it.”

(27:27): Setting and knowing boundaries can help reduce the impact of trauma in dual first responder relationships.

(29:34): As a spouse, listen, acknowledge let go of the trauma your officer experiences and communicates to you . Don’t take on their trauma!

(31:34): Remember that the same type of trauma can impact individuals differently. It’s about how the individual attaches to the trauma.

(31:41): Don’t compare the traumas. Trauma is trauma and vicarious isn’t bigger or better. Direct isn’t bigger or better. Your brain gets to decide how big or bad that trauma is for you. Validate and don’t negate your spouse’s trauma.

(33:21): As an individual validate that you have experienced trauma, that you’re human and it’s okay to struggle.

(37:31): As a couple decide how you will confront one other when signs of trauma resurface.

(46:25): As a couple make sure you’re prepared with your support system, know who your counselor is or know who you could talk to, and know where, if any, post-critical incident seminars are. Determine how you’re going to confront each other when signs and symptoms of trauma appear and remember to communicate and have hard conversations.

Lisa entered the world of public safety in 2003 as a jailer in a large jail. After 7 years, she left and went to work as an EMT. She was an EMT for several years, and when the small ambulance service in her hometown closed it’s doors, she continued serving her community as a volunteer firefighter for just over 8 years. Later, she became a 911 dispatcher. Out of all the public safety positions, being a dispatcher was her favorite.

James became a volunteer firefighter somewhere around 2008. He promoted through the ranks to captain, and even served as chief of our small department for a time. In 2014, James decided he wanted to become a reserve sheriff’s deputy in the county they live in. This decision ultimately led him to the career he loves. He is currently a patrol sergeant.

James and Lisa met in 2009 when he worked as a fill in driver for Lisa at the ambulance service. In 2011, they were married and welcomed their son, Kasey, in 2014.