How Emotional Barriers Impacted Zachary Saenz’s Mental Health and Relationship

Law enforcement teaches officers how to handle chaos, make quick decisions, and keep emotions in check to get the job done. But what happens when that same skill set that keeps officers safe on duty starts to create distance at home? 

For Zachary Saenz, that emotional armor was a survival tool, something he didn’t even realize he was putting on. It helped him push through the hard calls, the trauma, and the stress of being a police officer. But over time, the same armor that protected him from the job started shutting out the person he loved most. 

His story is one that many in law enforcement relationships can relate to: learning how to carry the weight of the job without letting it take over your life. The way he navigated that shift, through therapy, self-awareness, and small but meaningful changes, holds lessons for any officer who wants to strengthen their mental health and their relationships. 

The Emotional Armor That Built Up Over Time 

Zachary didn’t start his career thinking he’d shut people out. He handled the job the way many officers do, by compartmentalizing. He saw difficult scenes, processed critical incidents, and pushed forward without stopping to unpack it all. 

The problem? That same mindset followed him home. 

Zachary’s fiancée, who had been by his side through most of his law enforcement career, noticed the emotional distance before he did. Conversations started to feel one-sided. When she opened up about stress or frustration, his response was flat—not dismissive, but detached. 

“I was like a wall,” Zachary shared. “She would tell me she was stressed, and I’d just say, ‘Eh, whatever, I deal with worse at work.’ I didn’t realize that I was minimizing her feelings just because mine felt so much heavier.” 

That emotional wall was a coping mechanism, one he hadn’t built on purpose. It was just the way his mind adapted to the pressures of police work. But over time, it created a gap between them. 

Seeing the Impact Beyond the Job 

In 2022, after a critical incident, Zachary had time off. Instead of feeling like a break, it gave his mind too much space. Without the constant pull of work, emotions he had pushed aside for years started creeping in. 

Then, on Halloween night, something shifted. 

He and his fiancée had spent the evening relaxing, handing out candy, and enjoying the night. But out of nowhere, a small disagreement escalated.  

That was when his fiancée said something that cut through all of it:  “I can’t help you. You need professional help.” 

She wasn’t giving up on him. She wasn’t leaving, but she was setting a boundary. She could support him, but she couldn’t fix what was happening inside him. That part was up to him. 

The Changes That Made the Difference 

Zachary found a trauma therapist after his sister-in-law helped connect him to someone who worked with first responders. 

Walking into that first session, he wasn’t sure what to expect. The stigma around therapy in law enforcement culture is real, and he didn’t want to sit in a room with someone who wouldn’t understand his world. 

But his therapist didn’t try to pretend she understood policing—she simply said: “I don’t know how to do your job, but I know trauma. And I can help you process it.” 

That was what made Zachary trust the process. 

As he worked through the sessions, he started recognizing things about himself that he had never seen before: 

• How he shut down emotionally not just after big calls, but in everyday conversations. 
• How he was talking at his fiancée instead of actually engaging with her. 
• How he wasn’t giving himself space to decompress before jumping into home responsibilities. 

Small but intentional changes made the difference. He started verbalizing what he needed, like taking 30 minutes after work to reset before tackling household tasks. Instead of coming home and feeling immediately overwhelmed, he communicated those boundaries, and his fiancée supported them. 

Another shift? Recognizing when he was falling into old habits. 

“I catch myself now,” Zachary said. “Sometimes I still slip into shutting down, but now I recognize it. And I can stop before it turns into a bigger problem.” 

The armor wasn’t gone, but now, he knew when to take it off. 

You Are More Than the Badge 

Zachary has taken everything he’s learned and poured it into his artwork, using it as a way to express what so many officers feel but struggle to say out loud. 

• You are more than your uniform. 
• You are more than the job. 
• You are human first. 

His pieces reflect the mental battles officers fight, the weight of trauma, and the toll the job takes—not just on the person wearing the badge, but on their relationships. 

“We get so caught up in the job that we forget who we are outside of it,” Zachary said. “We forget we’re human. But we have to take care of ourselves—because if we don’t, we can’t take care of anyone else.” 

His message is clear: mental health is officer safety. Seeking help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong enough to keep going. 

Zachary’s story is one of self-awareness, growth, and learning how to balance the job and home life. It’s something so many law enforcement officers struggle with, but it doesn’t have to be a breaking point before change happens. 

If you’re an officer or in a relationship with one, these challenges probably sound familiar: 

• Feeling like conversations at home are one-sided 
• Struggling to switch off work mode 
• Wanting to connect but not knowing how to communicate what you need 

That’s exactly why I wrote Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship. 

This book is designed specifically for police couples who want to build stronger communication, understand the emotional challenges of the job, and create a healthier, more connected relationship. 

• Understand the impact of the job on relationships 
• Learn practical tools to improve communication 
• Recognize when emotional armor is creating distance 
• Find ways to reconnect without feeling like you’re losing yourself 

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s talk about what really happens behind the badge—and how to make sure it doesn’t come between you and the people who matter most. 

Get your copy of Hold the Line today and start building a stronger law enforcement relationship. 

Zachs LinkedIn 

Texas Law Enforcement Peer Network | Texas Commission on Law Enforcement 

A Challenge for You

To learn more about improving your relationship, check out my book, Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, available wherever books are sold.